If you’re a fan of language like me, you will be easily entertained by all forms of word play. A good quality pun, for example, can keep me chuckling for hours. Also, if you’re British like me, knob gags and double-entendres are a staple of your comedy diet.
Combine the two and you get some classic moments like these. Lucy, in London, sent these to me and I had to share. Twelve of the finest unintentional double-entendres from British television. Naturally enough, it’s sport coverage that usually supplies the most amusing:
1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator – “And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!”
2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator – “Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.”
3. Ted Walsh, Horse Racing Commentator – “This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.”
4. Harry Carpenter, at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 – “Ah, isn’t that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew.”
5. US PGA Commentator – “One of the reasons Arnie [Arnold Palmer] is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them….. Oh my god! What have I just said?”
6. Carenza Lewis, about finding food in the Middle Ages on ‘Time Team Live’ – “You’d eat beaver if you could get it.”
7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn’t, turned to the weatherman and asked, “So Bob, where’s that eight inches you promised me last night?” (Not only did he have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard.)
8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters – “Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.”
9. Clair Frisby, talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North – “There’s nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this.”
10. Mike Hallett, discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports – “Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis’s misses every chance he gets.” (Say this out loud if you don’t get it right away).
11. Michael Buerk, on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1’s UK eclipse coverage – “They seem cold out there; they’re rubbing each other and he’s only come in his shorts.”
12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open – “Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.”
I have no idea if any of these are actually true and I can’t be bothered to confirm their authenticity. The British genes in me, and their love of puerile humour, made me want to share it anyway. Don’t you just love the English language?