All spammers are scum

Yooo..

I kno it has nothing to do with what you wrote, but have you ever heard of http://www.scumscumscumbastard/ringtones.php . They seems to promise free ringtones

PS. Dont be an ass, this is NOT spam 😉

Yes it fucking is, you scumbag.

We all know that spammers are some of the lowest, parasitic, bottom-feeding bastards out there. Literally feeding off the ignorance or confusion of people, particularly those that are most vulnerable like the elderly and less educated. People that are trying to embrace technology and expand their horizons. People that spammers descend on like hyenas on a recently felled zebra.

The simple truth is this: there is so much spam because it works. Part of the reason is that people are idiots. We all know it. A massive percentage of humanity is stupid, no smarter than a hairbrush. That’s why people in Nigeria can empty a bank account while promising to put tens of millions of US dollars in. They get away with it because people are greedy and dumb. It still astounds me that someone can get an email out of the blue promising them mulitple millions of dollars for nothing and they don’t stop and think, “Wait a minute…” They deserve everything they get.

But there are also those that just don’t understand and get caught out through lack of education on the subject. Apparently around 0.1% of spam elicits a result. That sounds like not very much. But 0.1% of one million is 1,000. That means that for every million spam emails that get sent out, 1,000 doses of viagara are sold. Or probably 1,000 sugar pills pressed in some loser’s garage are sent to 1,000 poor saps in the outback desperately trying to spice up their sex lives. And because spammers send out several million emails at a time, you can see why it’s worth their while.

And it’s not just restricted to emails. I get an incredible amount of comment spam here at The Word. That opening comment is just one example. I’m forever grateful to whoever programmed the Akismet spam filter for WordPress. At the time of writing this, Akismet has caught and burned 23,023 spam comments. I’ve only had it installed for a year or so! I used to go through and delete all the spam myself. Now I have to check very few and only the valid comments come through.

But for a laugh I started collecting some of the more bizarre or ridiculous spam comments and thought I might share them with you here. Some of them are really amazing. That one at the top of this post is one of my favourites. That he thinks he can convince me and my readers to check out his ringtone spam site by telling me not to “be an ass” is hilarious. What an ass. Often people will leave what seems like a real comment at first glance, but all they’re really doing is trying to get their spammy website linked in my comments. When someone leaves a comment, if they put a web address in, their name becomes a link to that site.

Here are some more of my faves (I’ve deleted all the spammy links and emails, obviously):

Author : RaynTan
Comment:
Hello I’m ryan i’m new here. I just wanted to drop a note to say hello and i’m pleased to be here.

It’s not a fucking country club, ryan. Or is it Rayn?

Hi,
Can i take a one small pic from your blog?

No, you can’t. Seeing as you’re only asking in order to get your viagara spam site linked.

Wow, I think it’s perfect! How cool.

Glad you think it’s perfect. What’s it, by the way? Your Payday Advance spam site?

Everything dynamic and very positively! 🙂
Thank you
Robor

You know, this one didn’t even have a spam url attached. Could this be a real comment? I’d like to think that everything was dynamic and very positively.

I just love all sports, so found your blog informative. Your blog has been bookmarked, keep up the good work.

Sports, eh? Writing is a sport now?

Alright so the mac OS X dvd player only lets you switch your pale settings five times. I possess inured to up those five times and i can’t manage a trail for everyone it, nevertheless i be aware there forced to be one.

I would unusually appreciate it if someone knew how to reset the dvd player.

What’s that now?

Riental Rugs Lover

I don’t get very well the concept here, so I believe people may disagree with it.

I disagree with your grammar. I also disagree with you trying to use my blog to sell cheap rugs.

Bailusy

Hi, courteous posts there 🙂 express’s exchange for the gripping information

I quite like this one. It has an almost haiku nature to it. Except for the spam.

Bailusy

Good afternoon! Ukrayinska geisha information there. Time well spent men. I am pleased to welcome you to its website, prostitutes Kiev – Fish. You can visit my blog.

You what? Looks like Bailusy’s earlier efforts towards the haiku have gone completely barmy. Although there is a certain genius to this line: I am pleased to welcome you to its website, prostitutes Kiev – Fish.

chrissov

Idea shaking, I support.
Idea shaking, I support.

This was on a post about a new review for MageSign. It was also trying to sell cialis.

discount viagra online

Interesting… Thanks. But what sign on novelties of the news?
sory…

What?

Shake Flashlight

No kidding! You said it sister!

Fundamental gender assignment error in this one. Scum.

diamond rings

Gerry, a very interesting post thanks for writing it!

Gerry? I’m a woman called Gerry all of a sudden?

Then there are the flatterers, those people that think my ego or vanity will prevent me from noticing their spam links:

Clemento

Are you a professional journalist? You write very well.

Thanks. I’ve been doing it for a while.

LortammaLak

I love you.

Awwww, shucks, really? But I hardly know you.

And then, just today, I picked up this truly surreal effort:

cheap Furosemide

What’s the English German

What ‘s the what now?

Something tells me that a bunch of people are going to leave fake spam comments now on this post to test both me and the Akismet plugin, but I’m prepared for that. I hope you enjoyed my little collection of bizarre scumbag bastards. Leave a comment if you’ve had any particularly entertaining or bizarre spam that you’ve saved. (I realise it might just be me that saves this stuff, but I’m also prepared to accept that).

.

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10 thoughts on “All spammers are scum

  1. I think you get some of the best spam out there… After reading this I went through to check what I had received in my Akismet and most of them are in Russian and the only one that could fit into the categories of the ones you’ve shown was talking about Fax Machines…

  2. Have there been any that you’ve accidentally let through? Some of the best ones are borderline.

    This one came in just today: It sounds like you’re creating problems yourself by trying to solve this issue instead of looking at why their is a problem in the first place.

    Or This is the second entry I read tonight. And I am on my third. Got to think which one is next. Thank you.

    Very evil. One more that I haven’t deleted yet:
    SPAMMER NAME REMOVED – I know this is off topic but need help with Vista

    Thanks
    Off topic? Well no shit Sherlock!

    But most good ones are from email spam. Who can beat a subject line like “Meat cigar instead of cigarette”?

  3. Damian – the Akismet plugin tends to take out the obvious spam with loads of links and stuff. It’s the ones that Akismet isn’t sure about and puts up for authorisation that tend to be like the ones in this post. That’s the best harvest ground for entertaining spam. And the longer you blog, the more spam you get.

    Michael – you’re right, they’re sometimes very cunning. I’ll always check the url if I’m not sure. But I’m convinced I’ve let some through without realising that they were spam. Or I’ve thought they might be but given them the benefit of the doubt. I figure that if they’re that obscure that I can’t be sure whether it’s spam or not then they’re unlikely to get much spam related success from said comment.

    As for email spam, I’ll have to have a look around. There was a great place somewhere where people submitted poetry written using only the subject lines of spam emails. Inspired stuff!

  4. You know that spam comments are left by bots right? Like, not actual people. Which is just as well because they don’t have any feelings and they have no comprehension skills so you can rip the piss out of them all day if you want 😉

  5. Fantastic! Though I beg to differ – there are certainly some major problems that can be solved just with potatoes. A potato shortage for example.

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