Non-denominational salutations to you all

Well, I’m returned from my road trip safe and sound. I already miss the open road and wish I was able to continue riding indefinitely. In a country like Australia, that’s almost possible. And now the complete idiocy of this irritating Christian festival is upon us once again. Bah humbug. Anyway, I received this in an email from a friend and thought it was worth sharing:

I wanted to send some sort of Christmas greeting to my friends and colleagues, but it is so difficult in today’s world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. So after obtaining legal advice, I wish to say the following:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or explicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the summer solstice holiday, practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated 12 months in recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great (not to imply that our country is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her-/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Regardless of the mythology surrounding the magical Jewish zombie that so infuses this time of year, may you all enjoy health and happiness now and for the future.

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