Friday Flash – Trapped

27 Responses to Friday Flash – Trapped

1. 

   Benjamin Solah on December 10, 2009 at 8:46 pm

   Wow, that’s really dark, and morbid. Nice twist.
2. 

   alan on December 10, 2009 at 8:46 pm

   Thanks!
3. 

   Marisa Birns on December 10, 2009 at 9:04 pm

   What a very good piece of writing.

   The twist did add to the horror of it all: he will be a prisoner in his own body with no hope of recuperation.

   All due to his greed.

   Very scary!
4. 

   Jodi MacArthur on December 10, 2009 at 9:59 pm

   A purely evil rant. The tin foil through the teeth made me shiver! Great metaphors in here. Great story.
5. 

   alan on December 10, 2009 at 10:04 pm

   Thanks, glad you both liked it.
6. 

   Reay Jespersen on December 11, 2009 at 3:07 am

   Nice story, Alan. I’ve gotta get in on this Flash Friday action. Any chance you can tap the webmaster to fix the couple of typos in your little bio blurb at the end?
7. 

   J. M. Strother on December 11, 2009 at 5:46 am

   That’s a good one, Alan. Just desserts can taste so bitter. Thoroughly enjoyed it.
   ~jon
8. 

   Tony Noland on December 11, 2009 at 5:55 am

   Very well done! Harsh and brutal, painfully so even to read.
9. 

   Laura Eno on December 11, 2009 at 6:48 am

   Loved the story. His and hers cars…can’t say I’m sorry for him.
10. 

    Eric J. Krause on December 11, 2009 at 10:07 am

    Wow, that was very dark. Very cool. I enjoyed this one.
11. 

    ganymeder on December 11, 2009 at 11:33 am

    Wow.What a bastard. Can’t feel too sorry for him, but I feel bad for his wife.
12. 

    alan on December 11, 2009 at 2:35 pm

    Reay – I’ve emailed the webmaster already about that but haven’t heard anything back. *shrug*

    Thanks to the rest of you – glad you liked it!
13. 

    Kim Batchelor on December 11, 2009 at 7:51 pm

    I originally thought this story was about someone’s anger over his condition and the end definitely surprised me. Stark and visceral descriptions of what I call a “turning point”–when one life changes into another. There’s no pity for this guy, though. I hope the woman finds out before investing too mich more in him.
14. 

    alan on December 12, 2009 at 4:20 am

    Well, who’s going to tell her? Poor woman.
15. 

    mazzz_in_Leeds on December 12, 2009 at 9:21 am

    Poor woman!
    Very good twist, and wonderfully dark and horrible!
    I got a wonderful sense of the woman’s good qualities from all the bile theat was spewing from the guy’s mouth – great job!
16. 

    alan on December 12, 2009 at 2:41 pm

    Thanks mazzz.
17. 

    Cascade Lily on December 12, 2009 at 4:49 pm

    Well that was nasty! I’m glad she’s giving him porridge. He deserves nothing more.
18. 

    Linda on December 12, 2009 at 4:59 pm

    Well, they do say for better or worse. Nice and dark, and bitter. Like my favorite chocolate. Peace, Linda
19. 

    J. M. Strother on December 12, 2009 at 5:41 pm

    And I hope it’s bad porridge to boot!
    ~jon
20. 

    alan on December 12, 2009 at 6:00 pm

    Well, it’s probably amazing porridge. You know, she’d do anything to try to give him some quality of life after the terrible thing that happened to him.
21. 

    J. M. Strother on December 12, 2009 at 6:41 pm

    Yeah, but nobody is great at everything. I’ll hold out that she can’t cook.
    ~jon
22. 

    Oliva Tejeda on December 13, 2009 at 6:34 am

    Even though he was so venomous and harsh, I still felt sorry for him. That is, up until the end. She may be giving him porridge, but I’d say he’s getting his just desserts. That was excellent! ~ Olivia
23. 

    alan on December 13, 2009 at 1:58 pm

    Thanks Oliva
24. 

    James Frost on December 15, 2009 at 12:57 am

    Very dark and highly disturbing – definitely belongs in the basement. Well written.
25. 

    alan on December 15, 2009 at 1:01 am

    Thanks mate.
26. 

    peggy on December 15, 2009 at 7:41 pm

    I was so there! Great writing, pulled me in and didn’t let go. The ending was fantastic.
27. 

    alan on December 15, 2009 at 7:52 pm

    Thanks peggy.