Friday Flash – Idle Chatter

FrdayFlashBadgeIt’s been a while since I posted a Friday Flash piece so I thought I’d offer up this one today. It’s a nasty little piece, so brace yourself if you’re of a sensitive disposition. Then again, I don’t imagine you’d frequent this site if you were of a sensitive disposition. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.

Idle Chatter
by Alan Baxter

Incident Report: Sgt Greg Moran
Thursday, 18th March 2010, 21.45 hours
Apartment 14/4 Broughton Street

Response to repeated calls from multiple callers re: home invasion.

Constable Murray and I attended address as per dispatch following multiple calls from several frantic teenage girls regarding a home invasion. When we arrived at the scene there were no signs of force and no response to knocking. As per dispatch instruction, we forced entry. This proved difficult as the chain was across the door inside. We spotted a notice on the back of the door that read:

Back by eleven, honey. Don’t forget the chain! Love Mom.

On entering the apartment we found no signs of a struggle or any open windows. We first noticed blood around the door from the hall to the rear bedroom. No one answered our calls.

On entering the rear bedroom we discovered the victim, Jessica Mellay [addendum: AKA WildGrrl_93]. At this point Constable Murray vomited and became unable to go on. I sent him to wait by the broken door while I investigated further.

The victim was spread-eagled on the floor of the bedroom, her chest split through the middle and wrenched open. Blood covered everything, across the walls, even the ceiling. There was a gaping hole in her chest, I think where her heart should have been. I could smell a strange sulphurous, burning odour throughout the place, strongest in the bedroom with the victim. There were no other doors to the apartment aside from the locked and chained front door. All windows were locked closed and the fire escape steps were still up.

We searched and found no one else in the apartment.

We called it in and awaited command.

Attachment: Internet chat transcript. Recovered from victim’s PC cache.

WildGrrl_93: darren totally blushed today when i sat next 2 him

TehB1tch: you wish!!! he never go 4 u

WildGrrl_93: y not?

TehB1tch: darren likes cock!!!

LotusHoney: lolz!

WildGrrl_93: no way

candy_lips: jess, evry1 nos that

WildGrrl_93: no way!!!

LotusHoney: haha. pmsl!!!

TehB1tch: tammy saw darren sucking toby after footy finals under the bleechers!

LotusHoney: omfg is dat tru?!

WildGrrl_93: no way!!!!!

TehB1tch: hahaha! stop sayin no way at everything yeh its true!!! darren a cock lover hahaha

WildGrrl_93: fuck hes hot wat a waste

AMON: You know, gossip can be destructive.

TehB1tch: whos dat? this is private chat

LotusHoney: ew freak fuck off!

AMON: Such ripe young flesh, you shouldn’t waste time with human boys.

candy_lips: who r u? this is private chat

LotusHoney: piss off freak perv

AMON: The air is so fresh up here.

TehB1tch: guys, log off. i start a new chat

TehB1tch has left this chat
LotusHoney has left this chat

candy_lips: fucking PERV!!!

WildGrrl_93 has left this chat
candy_lips has left this chat

*

TehB1tch: guys?

candy_lips: yeh. who was dat creep

LotusHoney: wtf was dat???

TehB1tch: i no, right. creepy perv hacker

candy_lips: wheres jess?

TehB1tch: jess?

LotusHoney: sam u invite her?

TehB1tch: course

candy_lips: im callin her cell

LotusHoney: so whos amon? nvr heard name b4

TehB1tch: me either kinda freaky

LotusHoney: how did he get in our chat?

TehB1tch: dunno

candy_lips: guys jess isnt answering her cell or landline

AMON: Jess is busy with me. She’s very good for someone just learning what I require of her.

TehB1tch: WTF!??!?

LotusHoney: YOU FUCKING CREEP HOW YOU GETTIN IN HERE?!?!?

AMON: For millennia young girls have been so sweet. And you get ever easier to find.

candy_lips: omfg guys im rly scraed.

AMON: Jess is very good at this. Don’t cry, sweetie.

TehB1tch: im callin the police right now

candy_lips: me too

AMON: You’re all too late.

LotusHoney: and me keep callin

AMON: Jess is very shiny on the inside.

END

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23 thoughts on “Friday Flash – Idle Chatter

  1. Picturing AMON hunting and pecking on a keyboard while eviscerating young Jessica is quite comical. Especially considering how fast girls of this age can type nowadays. Nicely done bit of satire. Thanks.

  2. Messed up mouthy stalker, Amo- I mean, Alan. Some of the transcript read very authentic to the way kids use chat rooms, which made AMON’s proper typing downright creepy.

  3. This satire tickles my funny bone; The detailed police report including cop losing his lunch, and picturing the guy chatting during the attack. The chat spelling/phrasing is perfect making Amon’s messages more sinister. Cool story.

  4. Perhaps the question should be, Why do I know this? I clearly spend too much time on the internet, but I’m not stalking teenage girls. Honest.

  5. Fiendishly devious tale cos I’m with Amon all down the line – those who talk txtspk deserve to have their entrails ripped out.

    And it’s true, the hot one are all gay.

    Stunning stuff, I’d seen your name in dispatches but now I know why it’s out in the zeitgeist.

    Bests

  6. Tight, tense stuff, Alan. and really a cool premise.

    I’m a luddite at txting, and need it for a scene myself, so tx 4 lesson. Peace…

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