Wheel of fail

March 24, 2010

Sometimes words just like to mess with your head.

Independent grocer branches out into prostitution

March 22, 2010

I went up to the local IGA independent grocer this morning to get some milk and bread. I was quite surprised when I saw this van parked outside delivering. I thought, ‘Well, that’s some thinking outside the box right there.':

(Yes, of course it was actually “Mitchell’s Wholesale Provedores.)


Oh, the crushing irony

March 10, 2010

And you think spec fic nerds are weird

February 16, 2010

I followed this car into a car park the other day. It had two stickers on the back window. On the passanger side was this:

Likes as in “likes”? And on the driver’s side was this one:

Weird, slightly religious train spotting nerds? Hornby model train nerds? Bizarre, whatever the truth. Makes Star Trek tragics seem relatively normal.


Batman and Obama silliness

February 16, 2010

(Thanks to Lynn Viehl.) Batman and Robin have an age-old writerly argument, and I take on the Obama style of expressing how I feel.

From Batman Comic Generator and Obama Me.

So what, I’m in a silly mood. Normal service may resume at some point.


Don’t you love Australia

January 8, 2010

3pm on a Saturday:

Ah well. I’ll go back another day when it’s cooler.


Say what you mean

January 5, 2010

I love it when comments on packaging says things in completely bizarre ways. You’d think that a lot of thought would go into the wording on products, particularly when it’s just a single sentence here and there. I bought this today:

Apparently I need to have a shower or something before I can eat it:

I know, I’m a pedantic bastard.


2009 keyword searches

December 30, 2009

My friend Michael recently did a post like this and it reminded me that I haven’t done one for a while. It basically boils down to entertaining yourself by looking at the various keyword searches that led people to your blog throughout the year. It’s amazing the things people search for online.

Michael blogged a lot this year about sexual ethics and had numerous very interesting searches ranging from “is it still necrophilia if i’m conscious” to “bisexual family orgy” to “how to do islamic stoning”. I can’t promise you anything quite so broken and disturbing. There is a lot of quite amusing stuff though. So, here we go:

The amount of Avatar related searches I had is simply astounding. That movie has certainly lodged in the peoples’ psyche for the moment. Literally thousands of hits to my site were from various searches like this one due my Avatar 3D review.

I hear ya, buddy. I hear ya.


The bible code has answers for everything, clearly.

This came up a lot in various permutations, due to this post about black magic being used against the president of Indonesia. Allegedly. I was amused that there was an interesting spread of queries along similar lines:

Fight fire with fire.

Can’t leave out the old Hindus.

When it comes to obscurely academic searches, I thought this was pretty specific:

Then there’s the usual lesbian searches that I always get lots of. Don’t ask me why, I don’t think I post about lesbians all that much. Then again, I’ve just said the word twice in this post…

A carpet? Unless we’re talking about the Greeks, when it would be a population. Or perhaps an island. Suggestions?

And, if so, which part?

Sounds like someone is gathering ammunition before opening that closet door.

This came up in the comments of a post a little while ago. I think some people have a bit of a problem with the definition of acronym, though. Especially this person:

Might I suggest “U”? Oh, the irony.

Just as dumb. But happier, at least.

Presumably you mean Star Wars. I thought pretty much everything was inappropriate for Catholics.

These searches almost rivalled the Avatar searches for numbers. It’s all about the post that will not die. It was a harmless little whimsical post a year ago (almost to the day) about fools that dress up and pretend to be superheroes. Turns out they get upset easily and there’s an entire subculture going on and a bunch of people that take it very seriously don’t like being lumped in with the wannabe fools. That post is still getting comments as recently as this week! This search was probably more accurate:

Let’s move on.

What are they and where can I get some!?

Depends on the size of the post box, surely?

Sorry, mate. Can’t help you with that one.

Not so much a search as a statement.

You want dark fantasy stories about people fucking or are you just an angry person?

Stay away from Stephenie Meyer and you should be fine.

I’m not sure I want to know what this person actually meant.

Yeah, fuck ’em. What have they ever done for us?

I’m not touching this one. My wife reads this blog.

You mean like this:

Yes. Yes he is.

I get this one all the time. And it still makes me laugh.

Is there such a thing? How do you measure it?

Hmm. Easier to measure, but I wouldn’t know anything about this.

Yes it is.

And yet you used it to make this point. Ooh…

Maybe step away from Google for a little while? Also, learn to use the word “seriously”.

I don’t think you’ll find any here, but let me know if you do.

A paragraph?

The scrotum is the world of the body? This implies an entire series of bodyparts covered in the World Of The Body. Might be quite interesting. A bit annoying that only scrotum wound up here though.

And finally, there’s this:

You cheap bastard! Buy the book and find out.

Happy new year everyone. I wonder what bizarre searches 2010 will bring.


Might need to reschedule

November 28, 2009

I was walking from King’s Comics to Galaxy Books this morning before heading back to Freecon and saw this. It gave me a chuckle. Hundreds and hundreds of years of systematic indoctrination, persecution and abuse? They might need more than an hour to fix that.

I’m genetically obliged to post this

November 21, 2009

Just so you don’t think that I’m being plainly racist here, my British heritage makes me genetically obliged to post this. It’s something I can’t avoid, I was culturally committed from the moment I saw it. Here’s a Chinese taxi driver with a no holds barred approach to his work:


refuse to carry frenchmen and dogs

I’d love to know just what his experience was that caused him to have that sign made up. You can only assume that it wasn’t a single incident either. Or if it was a single incident, it must have been a doozy.

I just can’t understand what his problem is with dogs.



The website of author Alan Baxter

Alan Baxter, Author

Author of horror, dark fantasy & sci-fi. Kung Fu instructor. Personal Trainer. Motorcyclist. Dog lover. Gamer. Heavy metal fan. Britstralian. Zetetic.

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