Comments on: My first #fridayflash effort http://www.alanbaxteronline.com/2009/08/27/fridayflash-effort.html Words, Stories, Myths & Opinion Fri, 10 Feb 2012 01:42:31 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: alanhttp://www.alanbaxteronline.com/2009/08/27/fridayflash-effort.html/comment-page-1#comment-5956 alan Tue, 01 Sep 2009 04:00:57 +0000 http://www.alanbaxteronline.com/?p=1880#comment-5956 Thanks, Judy. Thanks, Judy.

]]> By: judy b.http://www.alanbaxteronline.com/2009/08/27/fridayflash-effort.html/comment-page-1#comment-5955 judy b. Tue, 01 Sep 2009 03:55:32 +0000 http://www.alanbaxteronline.com/?p=1880#comment-5955 Your vivid descriptions of the narrator's physical symptoms of terror contribute to the suspense, and the reveal of what's going on is well-earned. Your vivid descriptions of the narrator’s physical symptoms of terror contribute to the suspense, and the reveal of what’s going on is well-earned.

]]> By: alanhttp://www.alanbaxteronline.com/2009/08/27/fridayflash-effort.html/comment-page-1#comment-5949 alan Tue, 01 Sep 2009 00:22:35 +0000 http://www.alanbaxteronline.com/?p=1880#comment-5949 Thanks, Anthony. Thanks, Anthony.

]]> By: Anthonyhttp://www.alanbaxteronline.com/2009/08/27/fridayflash-effort.html/comment-page-1#comment-5944 Anthony Mon, 31 Aug 2009 16:51:39 +0000 http://www.alanbaxteronline.com/?p=1880#comment-5944 Everyone else has already said everything I could say, so I'll leave it simple: Great story! Everyone else has already said everything I could say, so I’ll leave it simple: Great story!

]]> By: alanhttp://www.alanbaxteronline.com/2009/08/27/fridayflash-effort.html/comment-page-1#comment-5943 alan Mon, 31 Aug 2009 16:17:28 +0000 http://www.alanbaxteronline.com/?p=1880#comment-5943 I had to Google mantikhoras! Interesting critters.Thanks for the comments - I'm always keen to hear feedback. And you have a point about raucously. Noted. I had to Google mantikhoras! Interesting critters.

Thanks for the comments – I’m always keen to hear feedback. And you have a point about raucously. Noted.

]]> By: Skrblrhttp://www.alanbaxteronline.com/2009/08/27/fridayflash-effort.html/comment-page-1#comment-5941 Skrblr Mon, 31 Aug 2009 15:21:08 +0000 http://www.alanbaxteronline.com/?p=1880#comment-5941 There's an important lesson - don't mess with the <i>mantikhoras</i>!Very nice piece overall, theme is good, atmosphere is good and the cotton balls simile is something I might borrow ;-)One thing popped out at me -- "laughed raucously" -- I'm not an adverb bigot at all, but that one I think robbed a bit of the horror on me. Just MHO! There’s an important lesson – don’t mess with the mantikhoras!

Very nice piece overall, theme is good, atmosphere is good and the cotton balls simile is something I might borrow ;-)

One thing popped out at me — “laughed raucously” — I’m not an adverb bigot at all, but that one I think robbed a bit of the horror on me. Just MHO!

]]> By: alanhttp://www.alanbaxteronline.com/2009/08/27/fridayflash-effort.html/comment-page-1#comment-5919 alan Mon, 31 Aug 2009 01:24:20 +0000 http://www.alanbaxteronline.com/?p=1880#comment-5919 Thanks KjM - glad you liked it. Although I'm not sure about "hero" in this scenario. :) Thanks KjM – glad you liked it. Although I’m not sure about “hero” in this scenario. :)

]]> By: KjMhttp://www.alanbaxteronline.com/2009/08/27/fridayflash-effort.html/comment-page-1#comment-5917 KjM Mon, 31 Aug 2009 01:12:43 +0000 http://www.alanbaxteronline.com/?p=1880#comment-5917 I suspect her forgiveness, which might even be real, isn't going to help our hero all that much.A lot of story delivered in a very small package. Nicely done. And dropping the reader into it just after he had been dropped on his tailbone - perfect. I suspect her forgiveness, which might even be real, isn’t going to help our hero all that much.

A lot of story delivered in a very small package. Nicely done. And dropping the reader into it just after he had been dropped on his tailbone – perfect.

]]> By: alanhttp://www.alanbaxteronline.com/2009/08/27/fridayflash-effort.html/comment-page-1#comment-5913 alan Sun, 30 Aug 2009 23:09:53 +0000 http://www.alanbaxteronline.com/?p=1880#comment-5913 J.M. - thanks, it was a deliberate effort to up-end an old trope.Michael - Thank you.Eric - Thanks. I love flash for this very reason. It really helps exercise the writing muscles and helps with all writing from flash to novels. J.M. – thanks, it was a deliberate effort to up-end an old trope.

Michael – Thank you.

Eric – Thanks. I love flash for this very reason. It really helps exercise the writing muscles and helps with all writing from flash to novels.

]]> By: Eric J. Krausehttp://www.alanbaxteronline.com/2009/08/27/fridayflash-effort.html/comment-page-1#comment-5912 Eric J. Krause Sun, 30 Aug 2009 22:51:00 +0000 http://www.alanbaxteronline.com/?p=1880#comment-5912 Nice story! It's always interesting to see the tables turned. You managed to give us a ton of story in just a few paragraphs, which was great. Nice story! It’s always interesting to see the tables turned. You managed to give us a ton of story in just a few paragraphs, which was great.

]]>