There’s been some debate over the years as to what actually constitutes the lowest form of wit. It seems to be generally accepted that sarcasm holds the title, but being an Englishman at heart (and by birth) I consider sarcasm to be an art form. Poor sarcasm is truly awful but good sarcasm is the sort of thing that gives angels wings.
Another suggestion is that punning is the lowest form of wit, but I love a good word play too. Perhaps I’m saying more about my ability to be easily entertained here than anything else. Who knows. Regardless, I came across this list of puns and word plays while idly trawling through netrider.net.au today (a motorcyclists’ forum) and felt obliged to share it. You know you love a good pun as much as I do.
Energizer Bunny arrested – charged with battery.
A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative.
Practice safe eating – always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding – A case of wife or death.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
A breakfast of boiled egg is hard to beat.
A lot of money is tainted. It t’aint yours and t’aint mine.
His photographic memory was never developed.
When you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
When she saw her first gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
The short prison escapee fortune teller was a medium at large.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
A backwards poet writes inverse.
In democracy, your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.
Definition of a Will: a dead giveaway.
Pay your exorcist, or you’ll get repossessed.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
You’re stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
He fell into an upholstery machine, but is fully recovered.
Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France: Linoleum Blownapart.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I’ll show you a flat miner.
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